We are always looking to maximize our experience—to find the perfect mate, the perfect job, the perfect life. That’s what it means to be actualized…
I coach so many people who are utterly convince that in order to step into their power they have to leave that guy, or quite that job, or change EVERYTHING…and it terrifies them. Well, what if that were not true?
Being actualized, according to me, is being conscious and at choice. SO that means that we can take stock of a situation and see it for what it really is—imperfect, sad, messy, heartbreaking—and make a decision to stay for other reasons. Being actualized means we get to CHOOSE—not that we have to choose any specific one thing.
Of course, there are certain situations that really do have neon exit signs pointing at them—like being abused by a spouse. Like feeling dead every day at work and crying in the bathroom. Or even feeling like you have to hide all the time in a friendship. Like a carton of milk, all of those have expiration dates if we are to thrive.
What I am talking about is the tyranny of action. If your spouse always leaves things everywhere, doesn’t take out the trash, likes action movies and sports and you don’t—does that mean you have to leave or you’ve capitulated? When the job pays the bills to feed your family, must you quit because you hate your boss? Or is it possible to sit in the decision to stay, to mine the situation for all the learning possible, to see things clearly and fully and to be at choice—now and always?
And we can always hold open the option of choosing something different.
Now THAT’S actualization.